How Mzwoodhunter Got Her Groove Back Part II

Continued…

After we eat lunch we decided to go and lay out on the beach. Or Kim decided that she wanted to lie out. It was kind of warm that day so I thought that I would enjoy the water. Our resort looked just like the pictures. Beautiful white sand beaches, the water was so clear that you could see the beach floor. I was walking along the beach, and snapping pictures. It felt so good to feel the sand squishing in between my toes. I see this big rock on the ocean floor. I go to step over the rock. Then the rock takes off!! The rock swims right under my foot! It was a big ass stingray and not a rock. If you could have seen me at that moment!! Jesus himself would have been impressed. I WAS LITERALLY WALKING ON WATER!! BABY!?! I could not get my black ass out of that water fast enough. It was a blessing that the sting ray didn’t sting me. I could have ended up like the crocodile hunter, dead. Needless to say that was the last time during that trip that I got in the water at the beach. I didn’t even get close enough to put my big toe in to “feel” it. I ended up getting my camera wet, so now it’s ruined, and I am pissed. We took some really good pictures on that camera. Oh well such is life.

I run over and tell Kim what happened. I tell her that I almost died. She is laughing because now we have both almost died so we are even. We have both almost been killed in a foreign land. Her murder would be by the hands of a Rasta, and mine by a sting ray. This trip has got to get better right? Well it does.

By now I have had enough of the beach so we decide to go back up to the room. On our way back to the hotel we notice a party boat. They are blasting some sort of Reggae music. We are a little nosey and want a closer look. So we walk a little closer and see that these people are having a great time. People are drinking, dancing, and laughing. A couple of the men working on the boat and invite us onboard. They want us to hang around while the people on the cruise are starting to leave. Well by now I am getting use to the usual questions. But this one guy is cute. He actually looks like Tae Diggs. I have no idea what his name was for the life of me I cannot remember. He brings with him a little friend who turns out to be his cousin. I guess because I am short I end up with him. I wanted the bigger one dammit! Oh well I end up with this little man they call Virgin. Who is also sexy, but short. When I say short Virgin was probably an inch taller then me, and that’s not saying much. I like something that I can climb on. I have no idea what his name is either. That is what everyone called him. They said that because of his baby face and the fact that he had never left Jamaica. SO be it, Virgin it is. We are making small talk they jokingly start calling my friend Stella. Stella is tall and has pretty chocolate skin, and long braids. That would be her name for the rest of the trip. We continue to make small talk and tell them which resort we are staying at and make plans to get together that night.

You can blame the weed for the rest of this story. Everything is pretty much a blur from her on out. I remember going to the club but that’s about it. We were to meet Virgin and Tae there. I remember thinking that the broads in there acted like the usual hoochies in the club. I guess Ludacris was right. They do have hoes in different area codes. We must have had a good time with Tae and Virgin because we make plans on meeting them the next day. Stella and Tae are having a great time they are laughing and talking. Not Virgin and me he is real quite and would just smile. I have never been too good with small talk. They take us back to the hotel. Their car was a piece of shit but we made it back to the hotel in one piece. Stella and Tae are playing kissy face while I am standing outside of the car wanting something to eat. Virgin isn’t talking all he would do is smile.

When we get inside there are the usual paparazzi lurking around. I sign a few autographs…just kidding. I am somewhat an asshole and was a little irritable because I am sure that I was drunk and had the munchies…again thanks to that damn Rasta. I really don’t want to be bother with these roaches. That is what they were to me now. All of these dudes were trying to use me for a green card. It took me a minute back then to catch on. So on our way into the hotel Stella stops and is actually talking to one of these roaches and invites him to eat with us. This dude is so fucking fake! I was fading in and out of his conversation. He was going on about knowing kingpins in New York. Stella was a bit of a hood rat so she is looking like she is in awe of this dude. After we finish eating I am so done. I am done listening to this dude and his name dropping. Seriously what good is name dropping if the people you are talking to have no fucking idea as to who you are speaking of? UUGH!! I call it a night and tell Stella that’s it for me I am out. She and this dude are tying to convince me to go to a club with them. I am getting really bad vibes from whomever the fuck this is. I tell her that I would pray for her and hopes that she makes it back. Back to my room I go with what must have been my 30th dirty banana. I lived off of those things while I was there. I had them for every meal and those times in between the weed too. When in Jamaica, do as the Jamaicans do right?

I wake up to find Stella in her bed sound asleep. Glad to know that she made it. I don’t remember what she told me happened when she went out with that dude. Must not have been much. We are supposed to meet Virgin and Tae this morning before they had to start their booze cruises for the day. We get dressed bathing suits and shorts, and head down stairs. The boys are waiting for us in the lobby, and off we go. So again we are in this little piece of shit car. It was great that we didn’t have to pay for a taxi or any of the expensive excursions that the resorts try to sell you. It was awesome that we have our very own tour guides. They could have told us were we were going but again I don’t remember then and I sure as hell don’t remember 8 years later. Tae could have told Stella. I don’t remember Virgin saying shit. Maybe he was mute and I forgot. We are driving up this mountain in the PIECE OF SHIT! I am in seriously doubt at this moment that we will ever make it up this mountain. I mean their little car was having a hell of a time. We finally put put up to the top of the hill. We get out of the car and Tae says hold on I need to get something out of the trunk. WHAT? The trunk? I am from the south. If you hear someone mentioning that they have to get something out of the trunk you listen and LOOK. I am looking at Stella like did you hear what he just said? She is giddy and completely oblivious to the fact that for one we really don’t know these guys. After that guy from last night that I was sure going to kidnap her and put her into some form of slavery I am looking at everyone different. I could have just been that got damn Rasta weed again. OK I need to calm down right? HELL NO!?!?! So guess what Tae gets out of the trunk? Take your time…I’ll wait.





Tae pulls from the trunk a big rusty ass MACHETE with out a handle wrapped with some duct tape. A got damn Machete and a blanket is what this guy pulls from the trunk! OK there isn’t enough weed in Jamaica to calm my nerves from this. I mean come on we don’t know these dudes. HELLO? Not even their real names. Is he going to hack us into little pieces and wrap us up in that blanket? I asked Stella in a whisper.

“Do you see with that Tae just pulled out of his trunk??”
“Yeah, so”. With a shrug.

Yeah? Yeah? This simple silly bitch says yeah. Like this is an every day event. To be with some guys we don’t really know who just happen to have a got damn machete. I could have done the river dance on her pinkie toe. So I am thinking to myself what in the hell do I do now? We are on top of a mountain and there is absolutely no one insight. When I say no one that is exactly what I mean. There is no one in sight, and no one within ear shot. I don’t know what to do. That is when Tae asks us to follow him. All I see is weeds. I am bringing up the rear. My thinking is this. Tae is leading the way, Stella is behind him, Virgin is behind her and I am last. I could tackle Virgin, break and run and pray that Stella can find her way out of this. Tae leads us to what looks like a forest of weeds. He uses the machete to cut us a path through this thick brush. Oh so that what the machete is for. Or so he would have me to believe. I still have my good eye on him. The path that he cut with the machete was a good 100 feet. When we actually get to where he was taking us. OH MY GOD! It was absolutely gorgeous. It turns out that we were at the Dunn’s River Fall. Most of the people who visit Jamaica will pay for this trip. It is to date the most beautiful place I have ever seen in my life. At this point I was calm and relaxed and just taking in this amazing scenery. It was calm and there were birds chirping. The river was running right through this forest of weeds. I felt honored to be here. You could tell by the high weeds that this wasn’t a place that is seen much by human eyes. There were no tourist trash here, no crowds, and no crying ass kids. It was just us, and it was amazing in more ways then one.

We parted ways here. Stella and Tae went one way and Virgin and I went another. They took the blanket so I figure that they were going to be getting busy somewhere. Stella is such a floozy. I honestly don’t remember having any conversation with Virgin. I am sure he could speak. I just don’t remember what he said he would just smile. Not one word…kinda sad too. O well. Virgin and I are walking hand in hand and I am really taking in the serenity of this place. We are walking on the rocks in the river and the water is rushing against the rocks pretty hard. He was careful and made sure I didn’t slip. We walk for a ways and we come to this perfect little spot. Now it seems evident to me that Virgin must have been here before. We come to this set of rocks that form a perfect seat in the river. The angels must have hidden this place. He sits down and sits me in his lap. The water is flowing towards us is hitting his back and flowing into my lap. Now there isn’t much that I remember of him other then the fact that he was little was only in stature. This little man was packing! Here we are sitting in the middle of the Garden of Eden when we begin to kiss. His kisses are so gentle and sweet. I have no idea why they call this man Virgin. Trust and believe his is not. Not in any shape or form a virgin. I still don’t know how this man was able to get me out of my shorts and bathing suit in what seemed like in seconds. This seat in the river must have been sculpted with Cupid’s own hand. I am sitting in his lap and the water and Virgin are rushing between my legs at the same time. It was heavenly. He is lifting me up and down and up and down with what seemed like little to no effort. I guess the saying is true still water do run deep. I should have known that there was something behind those smiles. Virgin my BLACK ASS!
To Be Continued…